Hello, my name is Stephanie, and I am an impulsive, unbalanced, and highly impressionable human being.
Have you ever had a day where you look at your current goals and think, "hahahahahahahahahahahaha!!" (and not in a good way...)?
No?
I believe you're lying.
I'm having that day today.
It's a chocolate chip cookies (to the max), random crying (tiny violin, anyone?), and spur-of-the-moment goal changing/quitting/talking myself out of quitting/quitting again kind of day.
These days happen to me every now and again. Happy to report that I always make it through, and most of the time without quitting. But they really do suck. Especially when it's only... 4:00 in the afternoon. Too early for dinner, but too late for more chocolate chip cookies.
(That was a little joke. Too late for chocolate chip cookies? Hilarious.)
These days always get me thinking about the ridiculous highs and lows in life, and how terrible I am at coping with them.
I experience my emotions very intensely, so the highs can get pretty damn sweet. The lows, however, are low. Very, very low. James Cameron in a submersible low. Figuratively speaking.
The funny thing is, when on a high I always think to myself, "I'm going to make a conscious decision to feel like this every day!" And I smile, and laugh, and am determined.
And then I crash and burn into a fiery chasm of despair and pessimism. For no good reason. No good reason, I tell you. Blasted uncontrollable death spiral.
Don't really know why I'm documenting this, but it is making me feel slightly better. If one can't laugh at one's own pathetic life, what has one to not... laugh... at... you know what I mean.
Tomorrow is a new day, with new things in it. Three cheers for tomorrow.
(It is now 4:16. 16 minutes down, many more to go.)
Ah Steph, sorry to hear you had a rough afternoon. Swimming was so fun this morning. To be honest we had a nasty afternoon too after a bad trip to the grocery store. Maybe we should have stayed in the kiddie pool all day afterall?? ;) Hang in there friend. You know you're awesome!
ReplyDelete...and when the lows happen they suck. Big time. And you say to yourself, "Just five minutes ago, it was peach iced tea and yellow roses and the check was in the mail...and now? And NOW? Why didn't I smell those roses? Why didn't I sip that damned tea? WHY?"
ReplyDeleteThe wind moves so fast, and it can change direction on all of us -- without warning.
Thanks for sharing that you have these days too, Po. I believe it's part of what writers do to relate. We are all rocking and churning on the same rocky waters of mood-mixed-with-circumstance.
j. //